I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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