Your mouth is God's brothel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
