i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
