I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
