this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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