remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My ass is underappreciated
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
