yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
