i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
