our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
