remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
