Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
