i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
