Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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