so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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