PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
