Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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