batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Randomize
