apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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