I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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