you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
