You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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