Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
