**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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