So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
