Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
