Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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