i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
