Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
