I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
