rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
