It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
