so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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