I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
