This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love having hate sex.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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