Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
