where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
