We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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