two words...techno handjob
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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