i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
