If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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