i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
