I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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