I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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