he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
