Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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