I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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