I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
