If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
