I haven't been this sober since birth.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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