he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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